Friday, 16 September 2016

Bye, bye baby

August 1, 2016

I watch you squeal and race, commando crawling across the floorboards in record speed. I try to join you on my hands and knees but you're far too fast for me. You smile and chuckle at my poor attempts at chasing you.

My baby girl, 10 months today. I feel like it's just going too fast, like we're on a freight train that's picking up speed. Everything is flashing past me and I can't quite see the beautiful scenery. Life right now is so busy with not just one, but three precious children.

You seem to be such a part of me, you come along for the ride wherever I may be.  There are the school pick ups when you're strapped into your car seat sitting quietly while Issy and Fin scream for help with trapped seat beat buckles. Then there's the energetic bike rides around the block with your brother Fin, while you cling to me like a koala in your baby carrier backpack. We go out to parks, libraries, friend's homes, school, church, preschool and shops yet you never complain much; you take it all in. People love to hold you, to smile at you and rest you on their hip.

The day seems to flash by in snapshots of laughter, mess, house cleaning, school routines, sibling fights, food feeding and nappy changing. You just carry on amongst the busyness, exploring tupperware drawers in the kitchen or sorting through the box of hair accessories. You don't stay still for long; you crawl from room to room inspecting anything that gets inbetween you and your destination.

Often, when I'm cooking dinner, I'll feel a little tug on my pant leg and sure enough you've come to me for a comfort cuddle. "Hello my little love," I say ."I love you my Lucy Lu." It's in these moments I feel the freight train has slowed down to stop at a station. You snuggle in, resting your head on my shoulder and begin sucking your right thumb. Your eyes begin to flutter with the heaviness of sleep. I kiss the top of your little head, lips brushing against your soft, fuzzy hair and inhale your baby milky scent. I relish the quiet I can have with you amidst the chaos.

When it's time to have a nap, I breastfeed you into a semi-sleep and slowly lower you into the cot.

"Shh, Shh," I say as I pat your back. "I'm still here Lu Lu." You protest to lying alone in your cot and sometimes you'll refuse to sleep at all. Yet you mostly end up dreaming deeply in a haze of milky fog.

It's due to the busyness of our day that I indulge you in night time snuggles. It's cold and you're my little, hot water bottle. So when the clock strikes 3am, or anytime really, I pick you up from your cot to breastfeed you then and then it's breastmilk and sleepy snuggles until sunrise.

I love looking at your precious face in the morning when I first wake - your button nose snuffling and the squeals of delight dancing out from your cherry mouth. You hear your Daddy out in the lounge room with the other kids and you thrash your arms in excitement. Each day is an adventure, you're sure to learn something new and we'll all delight in you.

It won't be long before you're on your feet, running along and scrambling up onto the furniture. Your cooes and babbles will form words that flow from your heart shaped lips. A toddler you will then be. It already feels like I'm saying," bye, bye baby" far too soon.

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